You Wouldn\'t Believe Me if I Told You
by Rea1
Summary: Maria is locked up in a mental insitution. this is the story of how she got there and what she does when the chance to be save-in more ways than one-is given to her by the only man she ever loved. Please r&r.
1. Default Chapter

Title: You Wouldn't Believe Me if I Told You

Author: Rea

E-mail: it used to be secretagent_008@hotmail.com, but now it's sixstring_queen@hotmail.com

Summary: Maria is shacked up in mental institution, and she tell her story of how she got there to the therapist. 

Author's note: I have HORRIBLE grammar. Sorry, your going to have to deal.

Disclaimer: if I own Roswell, why the hell would I be writing a fanfic?!?!? 

'Kiss me hard Maria 'cause it'll be the last time you ever do', Maria could still here Michael's word's echoing through her head. As she laid on the leather couch, staring up at the gray ceiling of the 'therapist' office a single tear slid down her pale, cold skin. She wouldn't let herself go there again, though, so she made herself think of something else. As her mind wandered, she started to think about the place she was at. Belleview Correctional Hospital, she hated the place down to the very name. She hate that they put her in this nut house for an un-just reason. She hated how every second of every goddamn day they tried to change her, they gave her pills, stuck her in group, sent her to this fucking therapist. She hated how the only people here who even pretended they gave a damn about her were the people with a big pay-check . All she ever wanted to do was get back to her… 'what am I thinking' she thought 'I have now who wants me' at the thought another tear slid down her face.

"Mrs. Guirn"? A very tall man with light brown hair and glasses ask Maria as he entered the office. "Are you alright?"

She wiped her tears away and sat up. "It's Deluca." Maria chocked back tears at the thought of Michael. 

"Oh, I'm sorry…but your file say's Gurin …?" he sat down and looked at her with fake concern. 

She gave him a cold look " I know, _doctor_ but it's not anymore, I go by my maiden name. It that a problem, or does it concern you that I don't go by my married name?" her voice was tripping with sarcasm and it was oblivious she was mocking him. 

"Why is it not Gurin…?" he wasn't looking at her anymore, he was looking at his note book avoiding her face so she laid back down and looked at the ceiling again. 

"You have no idea how long that story is…." her voice trailed off as she remembered the past. 

"Well neither of us have anywhere do be so, I think you could tell me." when Maria looked at him, she realized how much this man reminded her of Alex Whitman. This man had the same body type, the same eye's…, even the same personality as her dead friend. She wouldn't be surprised if this Dr. Anikly were Alex brother, after all he only looked a few year's older then Alex would've been.

"I…you wouldn't believe me anyway." Maria thought about all the time's she had said and heard that phrase her whole life.

"what are you afraid of they'll send you to a mental institution….." he had a twisted smirk on his face.

When she didn't say anything he started again. "Maria, I'm going to be honest with you, you may not be getting out of this place for a very long time….the thing's you did to get in here-" he stopped and looked at the stitched up veridical cut on her wrist, the started again "-well they don't convince anyone your sane." 

She took a drag of the cigarette in her hand and said " I am not insane, I have a clarity , that most can't understand. But NOT insanity." she had little to no emotion in her voice as she said this. The doctor said nothing he only raised his eye-brow's and moved his hand for her to go on. 

She sighed and scratched her head. "Most people go there whole lives never knowing the truth. And when I say 'the truth' I don't mean about why were here…or anything like that. I mean the truth about who we are, who we were, and who the people we love are. I wish so much that I could have been one of those people. Living in a wonderful bliss of ignorance. I wish so much that I could've just lived my life. But lie's and secret's have ruined that for me. The time for me to enjoy my life as past me by. So all I can do now is try to get back to where I was…."Maria's voiced trailed off. And a tear's slid down her face.

"Miss. Deluca what do you mean?" Dr. Aniklly asked the young woman that sat in front of him.

"If I were to tell you…my, story would you base my sanity on it…if I could prove it to you."

"Ms. Deluca if you could prove your sanity to me I'd be the first to help ya get out of this place."

She sighed again "it's a long story…." 

He lead back and put his feet up, "shoot".

*****

****

(Antar , **1940's:earth time)**

"What the hell do you think your doing"?! Rath asked his wife Valandra.

They were standing in the middle of a very long core-door in the palace of Sinte, the capitol of Antar. Rath had just walk in on what could only be described as a make out session between his wife and his brother, Heris. Rath grabbed Valandra by her arm and spun her around so she was facing him, there was something in his eye's she had never seen before. She didn't know what it was, realization maybe. Maybe he had finally realized that she was no longer his. She had felt this was for some time now, and had been trying to make him see she no longer loved him, but Rath was just too hard headed. She couldn't help but feel sorry for him, the fresh look of pain in his eye almost made her want to cry. At least she could see what his reaction to her betrayal would be. She was eager to find out how her "loved one's" would react to the way she had been screwing them over the past year. And it looked like now she was going to find out.

"Don't touch her !" Heris screamed, pushing Rath away from Valandra. 

He looked so cute when he was mad. He was barley a man, only nineteen years old. But he was one of the most passionate men she had ever been with. He was adorable the way he would whisper his un-dieing love in her ear, never knowing he was just a pawn in a game that was far greater than him. He looked a lot like Rath when he was mad, though. He had the same maroon eye's with flake's of gray in them, and he had the same black hair. But until that moment Valandra never thought they looked alike. Heris had child like feature's with his baby soft hand's and the innocence in his eye's. Where Rath had strong caulis hands, and eye's of a man with pain that would never be spoken of. 

"I'll kill you!" Rath said as he flung his brother across the hall into a marble wall with a flick of his hand, he was out cold.

"Aren't you going to see if he's alive"? Rath asked Valandra with a sarcastic tone.

"To tell you the truth I don't really give a fuck." She had no emotion in her voice at all. She walked up to him and said in a whisper, "He's nothing. All I want is you…" she leaned into kiss him but he took a step back. He slapped her as hard as he could and she feel to the ground with her hand on her red check and tear sting her eye's, not being able to believe he would hit her. 

"Slut". Rath spit on her then walked away. 

She sat there for a long time. She didn't speak, she didn't move all she did was cry. She wasn't crying because she felt pain, she was crying because she felt so weak. She hated the feeling of weakness, it's like being choked over and over, but never dieing. Valandra couldn't believe how quickly she had lost control of that situation. She couldn't believe how quickly she had lost control of her life either. But she didn't have time to wonder if the road less traveled was the right one. Valandra already knew it wasn't the right road. She knew a lot of thing that know one would ever being to think she knew. She knew about Isabel, and she knew how weak being human would make her in her next life. But there was no time to re-think what has already been done. She had to get to Kaviar.

**********

"Who the hell do you think you are, Rath?" Zain asked as he stormed into his Brother in-laws room.

He had been sitting on the bed looking at his hand when Zain walked in. Rath already knew what he was talking about, but he didn't feel like making Zain's angry ranting go by any easier or faster. So he played dumb.

He sighed and said "what are you talking about…?" As he leaned back on his bed looking at Zain. 

He always thought Zain looked odd, almost human. He had never really seen a human up close other than the servant's, but there was something about his eye's. They were a light brown, which was un-common among their people. And he also had a savage temper. Human's were known for their bad temper's and ignorance. There was something else about him too, maybe it was his weakness for human's. He always said he just felt sorry for them but it was more like he _knew_ what it was like to be in their position… If Rath were to ever say this to anyone he knew he would be killed, no-doubt by Zain himself. He could just image how he would be shunned, saying the rightful leader of Antar resembled one of the weakest species on the whole damn planet! 

"Rath"!!! Zain yelled trying to get his attention. 

Rath shook his head and realized he had completely zoned out. "Sorry, sir what di-" Zain had cut him off. 

"Don't 'sir' me! Who the fuck do you think you are?!" he ask again.

"Umm, What are you talking about?" he smiled at himself for how well he was doing .

"Rath, not only have you sent your on flesh and blood to the hospital, but you _ hit_ my sister! Now I'll ask you just who do you think you are??" The look on his face scared Rath beyond word's, but he wouldn't let it show. He had an explanation, all he had to do was say what happened.

"Sir, did Valandra happened to tell you what had sent my temper off ?"He didn't say this sarcastically, in-fact he said it with no emotion at all. But Zain had a blank face and said nothing so he continued. 

"I was walking past the main core-door on the south-east wing of the palace when I saw what had made me so mad. I saw Heris with his tongue down my wife's throat , now natural this angered me. I'll be the first to admit that I made a mistake, but an understandable one." Rath's voice was cocky, as if he wasn't talking to the one man that literally held his life in his hand's.

*****

"Wait, wait, wait. So this Rath just walked in on his brother _making-out _ with his wife and now he has to take shit from this ass?" Dr. Aniklly interrupted. But before Maria could answer he asked another question.

"And how do you fit in this, this was what the 1940's?" he looked really confused. 

"I come in later. And this ass was _King_ he was right no matter what."

*****

****

I know it's short, but I just want to see if ppl like it. PLEASE review, just be ez on the flame's. thanx


	2. in hell

Author: Rea

A/n: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE r&r

Maria looked up at the clock, a little annoyed. And sighed. It had been an hour and she was only supposed to be in the god damn room for thirty minutes. She couldn't believe what she had already started to tell this man, let alone what she was going to tell him. What the hell was she thinking? Sure she was mad at her former friends but could she really betray them, again? God, she had said that to herself way to many times is her short life. She had hurt them on so many level's it was hard to believe she even thought before she did it anymore. She could feel tears sting her eye's, 'oh god Maria, don't do this to yourself' she thought willing her tears to go away. 

"My time's up." her voice cracked as she said this and she knew if she didn't get out of there she'd start crying. 

"Maria,…what's wrong? We can go over time if you want" he looked honestly concerned, but she did care all she wanted to do was get the hell off that damn couch. 

"No. I want to leave." She said as she walked as fast as she could to the door.

******

The second she walked out of the doctor's office she started to run to her room. She didn't try to make the tears stop as she ran past the nurses station. She didn't want to get the third degree for crying or running but the nurses here had no soul so she wasn't surprised when she was stopped.

"hun, why are ya run-"The head nurses stared to ask but stop her self when she saw the look on Maria's face and then told her what she needed to know.- "babe, ya gotta visitor, he said his name was, uh…Michael I think. He's up in your room." She said in a thick New York accent, and then went back to what she was doing.

She couldn't breath, she couldn't think. Why, why would he come to her. The last time she saw him it was clear he didn't love her, or want her anyway…so why would he come? As she started toward the elevator she heard those word's of his that broke her heart almost a year ago. 'kiss me hard Maria because it'll be our last'. God that was a bitter-sweet kiss. 

__

//**flashback**//

"Michael, please…I love you. I'm still the same person, I'm still Maria." The rain poured hard in the parking lot of the Crashdown. So hard you almost couldn't see the tears running down Maria's soft skin, but you could her choking back sob's, and you could see her body shake with every breath. 

"Your not the same person, and your not Maria." he said in a voice so calm it scared Maria. When she didn't speak he started again. 

"You've never been Maria. You are and always will be Tani. You lied to me, to all of us." Now you could hear the rage that rocked his voice. When he said 'all of us' he looked back at the people who stood behind him: Max, Liz, Kyle and Isabel. They were standing by the sheriff's car, they were just about to leave Roswell when Maria stopped them with tears running down her face. It was only an hour after they had learned all of her horrible secrets, and all of her lie's. 

"Please, you can't hate me. I don't love Kaviar, I haven't for so long. I love you, you can't hate me….." She took a step toward and touched his face. 

"Don't. Touch. Me. You don't love me. If you loved me you would have told me who you were. I trusted you with me life, I told you my biggest secret's! You've screwed us all over! If you loved me you would have told me about Kaviar, and about your _child. _For god-sakes I gave you my soul!" Michael took a step back for her before he said this. She didn't say anything for a few minutes. All she did was look down at her hands and let the tears role down her face. What could she say to make him understand? What could she say to make any of them understand? She had lied for too long, the window of time to tell the truth had slammed shut when Kaviar came to Roswell with Katia. She took and deep breath and stopped crying. She had to try one more time, try to make him see that she loved him.

"Michael, I know I lied. But when you told us who you were you didn't know what could happened to the people who knew your secret. I did. You didn't know that just by _knowing _what you are you put people at risk. I did. I knew that if I told you about my past you could die…." she sniffed and looked Michael in the eye's, with a clarity that she had never know before. "Both of my lives I was a prisoner, I was chained to something that I couldn't control. But when I'm with you…I'm free. I really am only nineteen, I really am Maria Gurin. With out you I'm just a prisoner to a life I didn't choose. Please let me be free…" she took another step toward him and noticed that he was crying. 

He touched her face and pulled her close with his other arm. "I love you. With everything that's inside me, I love you. But we can't be." As he talked tears ran freely down his face and started to trickle once again down hers. He took a small step back and grab her face with his hand's. Michael wiped away one of her tears and whispered his last words to her. 

Time seemed to slow down and all Maria could hear with the falling of the rain all around her and the beating of her heart. "Kiss me hard Maria because it'll be our last." She choked back sob and looked hard into his eye's. then with all the passion she could find she kissed him.

The world melted away into nothingness. All that existed was Maria and Michael , there were no alien's, there was no Kaviar or Tess, and there was no-past lives and destiny. The only thing that mater at all was the fact that this was the last time Maria would ever be whole, this was the last time Michael would hold her, this was the last time she would ever feel right. It was their final good bye, she knew it. But neither of them could let go of what could have been. They both knew that when they let go they were letting go everything that could have been, that should've been. The little blonde boy with a bad temper, the little girl with a smile to kill and the white picketed fence were fading fast and once they were gone all the tear's and I love you's in the world couldn't bring them back from the depths of Maria's heart. Finally they parted, Michael looked into her eye's and Maria knew his was no longer hers, she knew she had reached the point of no-return. She watched them drive away to find Kaviar, to right her wrong's and to get Max's son back. She was already dead…what did life mater if she no longer had any of them by her side?

__

//**end flashback**//

She took a deep breath and stepped off the intuition's elevator, onto the third floor. She couldn't believe he was really here, maybe it was someone else. Maybe it was Kaviar…or-

She was at her door. All she had to do was turn the knob and find the answer to all her question's. 'Breath, just breath,' she told herself but it didn't help. Maria opened the door to her room. It had one bed a desk, a dresser and a window. The wall's were gray and the bedding was white. Just living in the place made her depressed. She let out a sigh of her relief when it didn't look like anyone was there "thank god" she mutter under her breathe as she turned on the light switch. When she turned around she screamed. There he was in all his glory, Michael Gurin. 

******

"happy to see you too." Michael said with a grim smile on his face. He looked almost the same, but he had shorter hair, and very tired eye's. 

"you look,…different." he said trying to break the ice. Maria moved over to the chair at her desk and sat down, with out taking her eye's off him. She looked so tired, so….broken. He hadn't seen her in a little over a year, only because it hurt to much to even think about her. He didn't even no about her break-down till a few week's ago. He found out that she had snapped and slit her risk in the kitchen where she was a waitress. He didn't believe it the first time heard it from Max, he said that she was too strong. But he called her mom up and Max was right. He didn't want it to be true because he knew if it was then it was his fault. That night he preached about love and what was wrong and right, but if he loved her he wouldn't have left her.

"what are you doing here?" she ask with no emotion.

"funny I was gonna ask you the same thing…." he said under his breath.

"What did max send you to make sure it was true….?" she looked down as she said this and pulled a packet of cigarette's out of the pocket in her robe. Michael just looked at her with out saying a word, as she expertly pulled out a cigarette and lit it. 

"since when do you smoke?" 

"About the same time I stop caring-" 

"What did you stop careing about, exactly?" he asked cutting her off.

"well isn't that a stupid question to ask someone in this place" she said holding up her rist.

"for it. This was a mistake. Your too damn jaded." she got up a started to walk away but she grabed his arm.

"what do you mean? why are really here?"

******

Thank you so much for reading this so far expect moreJ 


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